Fitbit and Morning Marital Mayhem


When I got my Fitbit, I thought it would be a loyal companion, recording useful data for me 24 hours a day. The overnight analysis was going to be especially useful because of certain…discussions my wife and I have had over the years regarding my sleep patterns.

As it happens, I have developed a finely tuned morning routine designed to provide the maximum amount of necessary accomplishment with the minimum amount of time and effort. This is to minimize the early morning sleep I lose because of having to get up before I am ready.

You see, I have always maintained that I get the best part of my sleep between 7 and 9 in the morning. I’m a rather restless sleeper early in the night(more on that late), but by the end, I really dig in and enjoy it. I have always been dismissive of insomniacs who can’t sleep past 6:30 and have somehow made it a virtue to get up at that ungodly hour. And don’t get me started on daylight savings time.

So I was ecstatic when the Fitbit data started rolling in. I was able to show my wife that, day after day, I do get the most deep sleep of all after 7 in the morning. Her only possible response was to stay out of my way at breakfast time, which she usually does.

Happy as I was with this development, there was another aspect to the Fitbit data I wasn’t so charmed with. As I may have mentioned, my sleep patterns early in the night can most charitably be termed, “active.” Linda prefers terms like “thrash” and “flounder,” but that tends to happen on a night when she’s having trouble sleeping, which makes her grouchy sensitive. In extreme circumstances she has been known to question whether I am really asleep at all, suggesting that perhaps it is all a ruse to excuse punishing her for past transgressions. Complete nonsense, of course.

Here my faithful friend has been letting me down. Even though I set the Fitbit on its least sensitive setting, it refuses to acknowledge that I start sleeping before 2 am. I can go to bed at midnight, pass out immediately, wake up and look at the clock at 2, and in the morning my Fitbit will tell me I started sleeping at 2:14. Needless to say, this is rather frustrating, especially when Linda seems to find humour in the situation.

However, the crowning disloyalty occurred this week. I woke up Tuesday morning at 8 o’clock feeling really good. I had gone to bed a touch early, only woken a couple of times, and I felt very rested and relaxed. So, early as it was, I decided to get up.

It happened to be one of those mornings when Linda and I rise at the same time, so we shared the kitchen. Which we’re pretty good at. We performed the “two at the same counter tango” with the elan that comes from years of practice. Then she took half the newspaper with her coffee to the morning room, and I enjoyed my breakfast with the other half of the paper.

At about 8:40 I finished eating and retired to the TV room to join her and read the other half of the paper. As I usually do, I cranked up the iPhone and synched the Fitbit app. Now, I was aware of how well I had slept, and being mildly peeved at the Fitbit for earlier poor reporting, I was interested to see how the numbers would come out.

My initial reaction was pleasure. Yes, I had made a score of 75 sleep points (whatever that means), starting around midnight. Then the bad news. According to the confounded machine, I had slept until 8:30.

Of course, Linda found this hilarious. All of her jibes about the rigidity of my routines came home to roost. Now, should I even mention any small hitch in my morning schedule, I’m likely to get a response to the tune of , “Ask your watch if you’re awake yet,” followed by poorly-disguised snickers.

My mornings will never be the same.

1 comment for “Fitbit and Morning Marital Mayhem

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.