Beans Up Their Noses


“A little learning is a dangerous thing.”

I know Alexander Pope was talking about critics and not children performing anatomical experiments, but English Literature is sort of like the Bible; with a bit of poetic license, you can find a quote to support any cockamamie idea you can come up with. But here’s the story:

Once upon a time there was a family, and the parents had to go away for a while and leave their children alone. They were worried about leaving the children unsupervised, but they had to go. But just as they were leaving, the mother had a sudden thought.

“Oh, no! What if they put beans up their noses?”

So she sat the children down and gave them a strong lecture about the dangers of putting beans up their noses. Then, satisfied that she had done her best, she and her husband went on their way.

I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination. If you’re a proponent of the Brothers Grimm, the children will die in horrible ways, providing a gruesome cautionary lesson. If you prefer Disney style, they will be saved by a cute, anthropomorphized rodent.

But one thing we can count on; the lesson will have nothing to do with keeping legumes out of the nasal passages.

Teens Eating the Soap Pods.

Here we go again. It probably happened. By the furor on social media, it was the societal turning point of the century, and will be the albatross forever around the necks of the XYZ generation, or whatever they will be called. I was very careful not to read anything about this fad, event or fake news. It has nothing to do with anything, no matter what the newsmakers try to make it indicate. I did hear a rumour that eating soap causes an allergic reaction in some people, and the resulting sneezes can be instrumental in removing foreign objects from the nasal passages. (The Internet being something like English Literature. See “Bible” reference above.)

A small number of people commit some stupidity regularly all over North America, and sometimes the stupidest ones hit the jackpot. The only point worth drawing from this nugget is that a little bit of information is probably a bad amount, because people tend to fill the holes that are left with whatever is lying around the garden. Usually they stick something they want to believe somewhere that it doesn’t belong.

Trudeau’s Inane Trip to India

And there is likewise a lesson to be learned for politicians. If you give the media a whole lot of opportunity to talk but there’s nothing to talk about, they will find something or make something up. And it won’t be what you want to talk about.

MALCOLM: Trudeau’s global sensation comes crashing down in India

So our Prime Minister went to India to do…what? That’s the problem. The only news items that came back were social media fluff: Trudeau and family in cute costumes and the like. So the news media went looking for interesting horticultural products. And they found an obscure has-been terrorist who wangled an invitation (along with 500 other suspicious characters) to one of the photo-op dinners. Since there was no wonderful news about trade deals or great strokes of diplomacy, they grabbed what they had and looked for orifices to adorn in Canadian news consumers.

And the Liberals had no real news to counter with, so instead they stood around wringing their hands and trying to figure out who had put which bean up whose nasal passages. It was definitely a Brothers Grimm scenario, with no anthropomorphized cutesy to rescue anyone.

Perhaps Mr. Trudeau’s technique of distracting everyone from his troubles at home by taking a diplomatic jaunt has lost its luster. In that case, maybe he should stay home and tend to business. That’s the best way of keeping your kids from doing stupid things.


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