We Are Sorry.
We, the Society for Responsible Democracy, have made a huge mistake, and the whole of America is suffering for it.
You see, it is the premise of our Society that members of each generation must fight for their freedoms. And we have noted that the present generation is rather blasé in this respect. They don’t get involved, they don’t care, they don’t even vote.
So we had this brilliant idea that if we could create a paper tiger to threaten the freedoms of the present generation, they would learn to stand up and fight for their rights.
Success Beyond our Wildest Dreams.
The way the plan was supposed to work was this. We would hire a well-known and popular entertainment figure to run for the Presidential Candidate nomination for the Republican party. He would base his campaign on all the worst aspects of that party’s lunatic fringe. In this way, we hoped we could:
- Demonstrate to the Republican party how nonsensical some of their policies are
- Demonstrate to the (non)voting public that they had to get out and fight for their freedoms by voting.
- Demonstrate to all Americans that allowing a businessman anywhere near the seat of power was tantamount to giving the fox control of the henhouse.
At first, we thought we were succeeding. Because we were. The outcry in the media was intense. Our performer rose in the polls. Our message was getting across!
Then, Disaster.
Our actor, like Charlton Heston and Mel Gibson before him, started believing his role was the truth. He started to think that he actually could win the Republican nomination. And a large percentage of Republican voters thought the same!
And when we tried to remind him of his objectives, tried to remonstrate with him about his actions, he rejected our control. He stated the intention of continuing his campaign in all seriousness.
So, fellow Americans, let it be known that Donald Trump has gone rogue. He is no longer under the aegis of the Society for Responsible Democracy. Or under any control at all, including his own. The role has taken over the actor. And this isn’t some mere historical figure. We’re not talking about Moses or Jesus Christ here. We’re talking about the President of the United States!
And since we have no way of controlling him, we are appealing to the average American voter. Please, please, please do not exacerbate this man’s condition by flattering his hopes any more. It is cruel and heartless of you. Can you imagine how he will feel when his dreams come tumbling down around him? It could well destroy him. Or at least his ego. Come to think of it, maybe a little of that would be a good thing.
In any case. If you are a Republican, do the responsible thing. Get out all those guns and…
No, wait a minute. That’s not the way civilized people deal with problems. What can you do? I know! Exercise your democratic rights. Vote!