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At War With Satan

Steff Metal

As you might suspect from the cover image and the author's name, this could be a story about Metal Music, all wild guitar riffs and double-bass drum solos. It sort of is. But it sort of isn't, because, pared down to its undies, it's a boy-gets-girl romance, all emo and violins. You don't even have to know anything about Metal to enjoy it, because everything is pretty much explained all along.

Steff Metal certainly seems to know a lot about metal music, but then, maybe she doesn't, and she's just another creation of her own imagination. She's good at that, too. I mean, just look at the chapter names: "The Post-Apocalyptic Bondage Zombie Goat Chapter Eleven," and my favourite, "Chapter Fifteen: Where it's All About Kittens and Jesus and Chocolate-coated Unicorns Farting Rainbows."

Because, you see, this is the story of a metal drummer. Now, everybody makes fun of drummers, especially the metal kind, because they're dumb and freaked out and have spent too much time destroying their hearing in the midst of "22-inch double bass drums, 10- 12- 13- and 14-inch toms, two high hats, Remo pinstripe heads, a set of Dark Energy 18-inchers, a Warlord Masai signature snare with a sound like a skull cracking against asphalt, and Iron Cobra pedals." Whatever that means, it sounds like a serious drum kit.

However, this drummer has a job, is a good cook, has stopped doing dope since his brother's death last year, and always wears his seat belt. He's also just fallen in love with Suzie, about the only beautiful hesher chick that ever entered Old Fetidswamp, England. Who also happens to be almost blind, but that's just details. Nobody is exactly normal. Hence the fun of it all. The suspense for me is, how is this guy going to get the girl and live happily ever after while at the same time staying troo to Nekro, Satan, Heavy Metal, and Megadeth? (Don't worry, there's a glossary at the back of the book.)

The answer is to help Satan's son, Lou, win the Apocalypse. Yes, that's right, the real, end-of-days-Armageddon. Except the Four Horsemen can't make it this time, because they've gone to an Afterlife Manager's Conference with The Lord and Lucy Ferr. Yes, that's Her all right. I mean, this writer has creativity. So this time around the Apocalypse will take the form of a Heavy Metal concert invaded by mobs of youth groups, emos, and Team Jesus Christian Metal bands. Mayhem ensues.

And that's only the first half of the book. The rest makes Dante's "Inferno" look like Sunday tea with Aunt Maisie in the parlour.

If you want a fun romp through Heavy Metal and the Underworld to discover that those who seem to be losers can be really lovely people who win in the end, take a read through "At War With Satan."

Highly recommended for metal heads, fantasy readers, and all fans of creativity, especially the humorous type. (Actually, I wonder if a troo hesher would find it very Grymm at all. Of course, heshers are usually illiterate, so it isn't really krieg anyway.) Five Stars out of Five













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